Sunday, 26 February 2012

A Week INSIDE My Head - My life, My thoughts UNFILTERED! PART1

Pin It I worry sometimes that people visit my blog and think of me as slightly shallow at times as I don't always write a lot of deep and meaningful thought provoking posts around here. That's just not really my style and anyone that knows me in real life knows that whilst I do sometimes share those moments of being deep and philosophical, they are generally few and far between and mostly overshadowed by my crazier light hearted moments. Its not that the deeper thoughts are not there, trust me they are, its just that I generally play them out in my head and not through my spoken or written words.

I am rather a superstitious person you see and I have this thing where I think if I say something out loud, in particular something bad, I am giving it powerful energy and the universe may just take that energy and make that thought a reality. So I tend to keep alot of things to myself and try to focus my energy on the good things in life instead.

I have spent a long time in the past in dark places, burdened with fear, guilt and such deep anxiety of the 'render me useless, cant stop throwing up' kind. I didn't like it in that place and I fought a long exhausting fight that I often thought I would lose, to find my way out of there and honestly ...... I am scared that one day I will open a door and find myself in that all too familiar darkness again.

And so I avoid those doors and instead I prefer to focus my attention on the good things in my life, the things that make me happy and laugh and bring me joy. I give those things energy and hope with all my heart the universe chooses to take THOSE thoughts and turn them into reality.

My blog is an extension of that philosophy and it is here I focus on the brighter side of life, where I learn to embrace those hiccups and not see them as a threat to my peaceful existence. These days I choose to laugh at life, at both the good and bad and THAT is my way of nailing those dark doors shut tight.

Please don't get me wrong, I have such admiration and respect for those who's blogs are an outlet for them to work through those deeper thoughts that I prefer to keep locked away in my head. I will be honest and tell you I don't spend alot of time at those blogs, not because I don't like them or what they have to say, more that I am a little uncomfortable there as their beautiful honesty frightens me and threatens to shatter my happy bubble. Is that shallow? It probably is to a certain degree and it is also a bit of me sticking my head in the sand again, but that's just me, it's who I am and I have this mindset that I don't know how long I will be on this earth so I want to spend my time being happy as often and for as long as I can.

All that being said, I have decided that this week, every day for the whole week, I am going to really open up to you and share with you some of the thoughts both good, bad and ridiculous that go through my mind. I have convinced myself it will be OK and that because I am only writing them and not saying them out loud, the universe will play nicely.

Why am I doing this? Because I owe it to you and to those of you who may visit my blog or any other light hearted blog and find that sometimes the 'Pollyanna' take on life might leave them feeling a little disillusioned with their own. No ones life is perfect, blogs only give you a snapshot of someones life and those snap shots are often carefully edited to share only what the writer wants to share. Do not compare your life to the lives of those you read about. Comparison can confuse and you may walk away feeling less pretty, less popular, less lucky, you may find yourself thinking you worry too much or even not enough, you may pine for things you don't have in your life or on the flip side, feel guilt for all the wonderful things you do have. Comparison does no one any favours.

The photos I will post this week will be just normal things from my day, they may not be exciting or particularly pretty, but they will be real and uncensored.

I thought about turning the comments off this week as one of the biggest things I am afraid of in setting myself this challenge, is being judged. But life is about being judged isn't it, we are all judged and we all judge others in some way or another. So my friends judge away, but please be kind, I don't usually allow myself to be this open and vulnerable.

If you prefer my lighter banter and happy photos, you may want to tune out this week. I'm not saying it is going to be a dark week, I honestly don't know where my thoughts may lead me, but it may not all be sunshine and roses around here or what you may be used to from me. I will write about what I am thinking about as it happens and I can promise you it will be me, honest, open and unfiltered.

For this week only I am not running wonderful Weekends, not cause I didn't have a wonderful Weekend, I did....... it was busy, exhausting and at times physically and mentally draining, but with definite pockets of fun in there.

And so my journey begins.