Back in September I was invited to the Ultimate Storage and Organisational Porn event - The launch of the Howards Storage World 2013 catalogue, where I got to meet and chat with the fabulous gals from Howards Storage World Head Office. These woman are the brains behind all that organisation fabulousness and they certainly know how to work it.
One of the things they asked us was "Do we have any problem areas in our home"?
In my head I answered like this "Problem areas???? Bahahaha Ladies I cannot begin to explain how HUGE a problem I have! I could show you, but you might be physically and psychologically scarred for life or dammed to an eternity of freakish nightmares!" *SNORT SPLUTTER CHOKE*
In reality I just laughed a little, shuffled my feet, stared into by coffee cup and joked a little about my Garage being a bit of a disaster zone.
Was I joking? Kinda... not really ... sadly not at all.
I am about to share with you something that I the anal retentive neat freak is so deeply ashamed of. Something I cannot believe I am actually going to publish on the interwebs for the WHOLE world to be able to find and hold against me for eternity. Something my future Daughter in Laws could potentially use against me as they vie in a tug of war for the love of my sons...... melodramatic enough?
My deep dark secret, is my Garage - otherwise not so fondly referred to as the The Pit of Shame where junk goes to die.
I get jitters and break out in cold sweats whenever I have to go anywhere near this place as it's literally the black hole of our abode. I fear for my life, that I may be sucked into the mountains of junk, never to reappear.
I could totally take the easy road and blame it all the hubby and the kids, but the truth is I am unfortunately a part of the problem because in my bid to keep the house perfectly organised and looking nice I have a habit of opening the garage door, closing my eyes and pegging stuff in there - before I quickly slam the door shut and pretend like it never happened.
Our Garage is not just a place where we store all the kids sporting paraphanalia, it's where things go to die. In there they fester for a while, die a slow painful death, then decompose.
You think I am exaggerating don't you? Oh dear Lord the shame of what I am about to do.....
Are you still with me? Do you need some smelling salts or a stiff drink? I am sure I have both of those stored is this cesspit somewhere.
At this point you may have some questions for me. Please, let me save you your breath and lay your morbid curiosity to rest.
No we haven't just moved into this house - we have been here for 8 years.
Yes I am married to a hoarder and clearly our children have a genetic predisposition to the hoarding trait.
No it wasn't ransacked by a pack of demented drug crazed rhinoceroses, everything was intentionally chucked in there.
Yes we do have adequate storage in our house, this is just mostly left over crap and clutter that we seem to have issues parting with or it's stuff that doesn't match this months colour scheme in the house.... either or!
No clearly we do not park our cars in there, we park in the driveway!
I am completely 100% suitably ashamed of this garage and it most certainly gives me nightmares.
Yes that was me shouting obscenities the other night after I stubbed by three little toes on a garden hedger whilst I was scavenging around trying to find the missing half of a pair of stinky shin pads.
When those lovely girls from Howards Storage came to my home to see for themselves just HOW bad the garage was I kind of made a joke about making them sign a public liability waiver.... problem was I wasn't really kidding.
Thankfully they are going to help me out and together we are going to turn this Garage into a storage slash Man Cave for all the males of this house.
This hell hole is gonna earn me one big halo with the lads and I am going to make a point of smugly leaving the garage door open for all the neighbours to envy.
Come on!! For years when the neighbours have asked to borrow a rake or a tool I have been forced to blindfold them, spin them 3 times anticlockwise and make them wait in the street whilst I open the garage door just barely enough to squeeze my backside through the crack in a commando style roll, all to avoid the shame I would bring upon my families name and reputation by allowing them to witness this mess.
OK I am exaggerating perhaps just a little now.
On that note I am thrilled to welcome Howards Storage World as an Official Sponsor of Life Love and Hiccups. And Moi - well yours truly is officially stoked (and eternally grateful) to be a Howards Storage World Ambassador.
Over the next few months I'll share with you the progress as this shameful space evolves and blossoms. I will be using all the fabulous HSW solutions to sort this mess out, create useful zones, and all the while adding my own unique OCD organisational touch.
It's pretty much guaranteed that there will be arguments and meltdowns as the hubby, kids and I sort through what to keep and what to chuck, however I am pleased to report I have already managed to convince him to give away his 12 year old dust gathering collection of Surfing World Magazines. Meh, the pay off was worth it!
We will have tips and advice for those of you who are inspired to join us in making over your own Pits of Shame and there will be prizes for you guys to win to help make your own journey a little easier.
Speaking of Prizes - who wants to Win one of 2 Howards Storage World $50 Gift vouchers???
Well if you keep my shameful Garage a secret - you know, just between you and me and the rest of the world, I'll let you in with a chance OK?? :)
Just jokes - Here's what you really need to do.
Step 1. Like the Howards Storage World Facebook Page here and leave a comment whilst you are there telling them what deep dark messy secret in your home you would use a HSW voucher to help you fix.
Step 2. Leave me a comment here on this post also telling me your secret and pretty much whoever I feel is in the most desperate need, will win!
This competition is open to Australian residents only sorry.
It is a game of skill and the competition is open now and closes Thursday 29/11/12 at 7pm.
The winner will be notified by email (so make sure you don't comment anonymously) and the winner will also be announced on my next Howard's Storage Post on the 30/11/12.
So tell me - what is your Shameful Home Secret?