So day one of school is now under out belt and surprise surprise we survived!
The day started with one little boy up and dressed at crackers, excited and busting his chops for the day to start. I cried before my feet had even touched the ground but after a night of very little sleep and a lot of replaying the first 5 years of his life over and over and over in my head on loop - I'm not really surprised I was slightly emotional.
Despite a smashed up face courtesy of a run in with a road and a skateboard, this little face wouldn't stop smiling with anticipation.
And it kept smiling until we got to school and the reality started to sink in. He became more and more pensive as the minutes ticked by and my fragility started to show.
These three..... how did this happen? How did I wake up one day and find these three little dudes so grown up and at school?
In the chaos that was a classroom full of mums and dads all doing their best to reassure their babies that this was OK, that school was OK, I knelt down next to my little guy.
I spoke to him in a quiet voice of how proud I am of him and that this classroom is where all his dreams will begin. "So dream big little guy" I told him.
He looked at me with teary eyes and told me the lights were making his eyes cry.
When the little lip started to tremble my guts wrenched and my heart throbbed. It took all my strength not to bundle him up, tell the teacher "Thank you very much but we have changed our minds and we'll be going now" and leave and go and get a milkshake.
But I didn't.
I calmly kissed him goodbye and left him holding the hand of the woman I am trusting him into the care of for the next 12 months.
And I sat in the car and I sobbed. I sobbed for him, for me and a little more for me.
One of my biggest fears of him growing up is that he will no longer need me with the intensity that a small infant does. My last baby needing me a little less than he did yesterday and the day before and the day before that.
I needn't have worried. As he squeezed his little arms around me and I felt his tears wet my shoulder. I knew he needed me. That hug was all the reassurance I needed.
To all our babies who start school this year, we are so proud of you. And to all the mamas that are aching as you kiss your sweet child goodbye - be proud of yourself for what you have achieved.
You got this precious little human to this important milestone and as you wave goodbye to them for the day, fist pump the air and high five yourself - You did it! We did it!
How did your first day go?
Did you bawl or were you stronger than me?