Liar Liar! | Life Love and Hiccups: Liar Liar!
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Tuesday, 23 July 2013

Liar Liar!

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I have really been outdoing myself lately on the old porky pies. Just wee little ones here and there to my kids, my husband and random people.

Alright if I were Pinocchio I would probably have a really big woody nose on my face (Oh PLEASE don't use those words 'Woody on my Face' as keywords Google).

Let's not call them lies Ok? Little fibs sounds much better don't you think?

Yes I AM well aware that it is morally corrupt to lie to your family and YES - I KNOW I will most likely reap what I sow. I have a child that reminds me ... FREQUENTLY of that fact.

And yes, I DO have a conscience alright? It's just that we haven't been on speaking terms lately and it needs some relief. Ok I need some relief.

They say that coming clean makes you feel 1000 times better so, pull up a pew, its confession time people?
So here's a few of the little white lies I may have a little too casually flung about lately.

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"Sorry you cant play with my phone - the battery is flat"

"Sorry you cant play with my phone - its broken"

"Sorry you cant play with my phone - I ate it"

"Sorry you cant play with my iPad - it has a virus"

"No those regular Facebook updates about Candy Crush aren't because of me, one of my kids must be playing on my account again." Yeah OK Shut up Dana. At least 1 out of 5 times it is them.

"I'm just checking my emails" (whilst I'm playing Candy Crush)

"Yes ALL of these Curly Wurlys are for my kids. Yes I have 12 kids what of it!!!"

"I was so flat out today I didn't have time to get something out for dinner... again. Sushi anyone?"

"Of course I know what Synonems are, I'm just very busy at the moment and so you will have to go and look it up"

"That old thing? Oh I bought that LAST YEAR" (as I shove the receipts into the bottom of my bag)

"Sorry I can't make it, I have an exam". Oh what are you studying? "Ummmm Astrology!" (Yeah I know - Lamo. I just couldn't think of anything better on the spot)

"That's not mushroom, its the best bit of the chicken and I have been saving them up specially for you"

"That's not spinach, that's a new lolly that just looks like vegetables so parents think you kids are being healthy. I promise I wont tell anyone that I know"

"Lets play a game, you get something special from the shop and I get something special from the shop too and it will just be our secret. Daddy doesn't need to know EVERY secret"

"I'm sorry about your special miniature Lego sword - the dog ate it" (aka the vacuum cleaner)

"I'm sorry about your special magical rock from space - the dog ate it" (again the vacuum cleaner)

"I'm sorry about the hundred plus miniature dog club tickets you made with the hole punch- the dog ate them" (I MUST get that ummm faulty vacuum cleaner serviced)

"I'm so sorry about your Mars Bar you were saving for tonight - the kids ate it"

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If hell gave out frequent flyer points for every lie you tell, I think I may have just been upgraded to first class".

Ashamed much?

*Ahem* but of course. So spare me the lecture alright and just help me come up with a lie an explanation for the missing T'Shirts I may have culled from my husbands drawer.

Come on - Spill it, I can see through that halo. 
What porky pies have you told the kids or your partner or ANYONE lately?