With loads of bloggers currently away in Australia at the ProBlogger Event on the Gold Coast, a few of you have asked why I did not go.
The usual excuse I would use would involve something to do with the kids .. or work .. or a combination of both.
But as I sit here tonight watching everyone meeting up on instragram, I'm totally kicking myself and I decided it's time I came clean, drop the lame excuses and tell you the truth behind why I don't go to these things.
I don't go because basically I am a wuss and just one big old scaredy cat.
There - That's why.
The ridiculous thing is I have no problem with walking up to one or two people and introducing myself, I can get up and present to a crowd of 1000 if I need to and I can walk into a room full of strangers for a meeting, laugh and joke around like I am full of confidence.
But that confidence is exhausting to fake for any extended length of time.
On the rare occasion I have admitted this someone, they usually dont believe me. Clearly I have become too good at faking it.
Whilst I absolutely love meeting new people and making new friends, if I know I am going to spend a couple of days and nights at a conference, away from home and with hundreds of others, I begin to really freak myself out to the point of having anxiety attacks.
You see, I am scared .. scared that I won't see anyone I know and I will be left standing awkwardly on my own.
Scared that I will have a panic attack and there is no toilet close by to hide in.
Scared that I am going to feel like the new kid at school and that people won't like me.
THAT. That right there is the crux of it - I am scared that people wont like me.
If I know that I am only going to be somewhere for a couple of hours, my mind relaxes a little and usually within half an hour of faking the confidence, it kind of comes naturally and I relax and enjoy myself.
In the back of my mind, I know that if the worst thing happens and it all turns out to be one big disaster ... I can escape and run home to the welcoming arms of my family.
I take my hat off to any of you that have overcome that fear. I admire you.
So there's the truth on the table, open for all to see - although I am now feeling nervous and worried that people are going to judge me or think I am an idiot. But I desperately needed to tell you this, just in case there is anyone else sitting at home at the moment kicking themselves because they too were too scared to go to ProBlogger or any sort of event that they would deep down really love to go to.
If you are reading this post and can relate to it - you and I need to put our big girl panties on you know, because we are missing out.
We need to NOT let a fear like that stop us from having what potentially could be a totally awesome time.
Do you ever feel like this?
What say we do the next blogging conference together?