Learning To Walk Again | Life Love and Hiccups: Learning To Walk Again
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Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Learning To Walk Again

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Life has been busy lately - good busy, but busy busy all the same. 

I'm still yet to find that elusive balance, but I won't give up on it because according to loads of reliable sources, it's totally achievable.

I still have issues with over committing, am way too superstitious and I still waste far too many hours worrying excessively about things I shoulda, woulda, coulda and what people think of what I have said, done or yet to do.

I doubt that will change because that's just me - the real Sonia under all of the other surface Sonia stuff.

The other day when I was chatting to my mum on the phone she was laughing about my post where I confessed just how much I love hanging clothes on the line to the soothing tones of my mooing neighbour. She got it, she knew where I was coming from but at the same time she expressed that sometimes she does wonder what goes on in my head. In other words I think my mother was questioning my sanity.

That's OK - there have been plenty of times I have questioned it myself, but cross my heart hope to (never) die, stick a needle in my butt yada yada yada - I'm not crazy.

In fact for the first time in such a long time, years even, I can honestly say my head and my heart are in the most awesome of places right now. So much so that I have decided to stop taking the medication I have been taking since I had my nervous breakdown after my accident 4 years ago.

I have touched on that period of my life before, all be it briefly, but I've never really gone into great detail about it with you guys before because it was always so raw. The words have always been there bubbling under the surface and wanting to come out, and yet I just couldn't let them, or wouldn't let them because I was afraid of how I would react when I came face to face to them for myself.

It's not something that I am ashamed of, though some have politely asked me if I am. On the contrary - I am damn proud that with the support of those closest to me, I pulled through and I began to laugh again despite the fact that there was once I time when I thought I would never ever laugh again.

Something happened the other day when I was having lunch with a gorgeous kindred spirit who has very quickly become a very special friend of mine - I told her my story with an ease that I have never felt before.

Maybe it was the company I was in, or maybe just maybe it was because I have finally healed. Whatever it was, I took it as a sign that I am ready to take the final step.

It's a big move coming off the meds. The Drs told me to expect to be on them for a very long time - yes I really was once in that bad a place. But 4 years is a bloody long time to me and I am ready to take away the crutches and begin to walk on my own again - figuratively speaking.

I have literally learnt to walk again before, even though the surgeons said there was a huge possibility I wouldn't and so I know in my heart if I have done it once physically, I can do it again mentally.

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