Like millions others last night I closed my eyes in bed thinking about Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran and my heart ached for both them and their families.
I naively clung to hope for mercy, because as long as someone is still breathing there always remains hope but... when I woke to the news this morning that the executions had been carried out, all hope was gone.
I know those men made possibly one of the dumbest mistakes anyone could make.
I know they knew and we all know the consequences of the crime they committed.
I also know that many hold little pity for drug dealers, and that pity is probably an impossible emotion for anyone who has lost a loved one to drugs to feel.
I get all that, I really do.
What I cannot fathom however is how anyone can think that in this day and age and in light of all the monstrosities that are playing out in the world around us and amid the people’s cries for peace, that an execution of anyone is the answer.
I truly believe that the Indonesian government have fucked this up big time and tragically it can never be fixed now that those lives have gone.
This was a HUGE mistake for a country that relies on empathy and support and even mercy itself from neighbouring countries and it is an even bigger mistake for a country that is unfortunately notorious for corruption among governing officials to carry out an execution on men who they have deemed to have corrupted their laws.
It is the epitome of hypocrisy.
All that said, I am not going to condemn the beautiful people of Bali for the lack of mercy shown by their government.
I am not going to make threats to boycott Bali and their innocent people as my own act of retribution.
No good will come of that.
Surely mercy and forgiveness is a far more powerful message than retribution?
How can we teach our children the lessons in redemption and in righting their wrongs? How can we exemplify that with forgiveness comes peace when clearly that is not the way it really is out there in the world?
People can change.
Ten years is a long long time and during such time those men changed. They made good of the bad and put good out into the world and whether they did that to save themselves is irrelevant really, especially to the people they have actually helped and inspired
They were living proof that rehabilitation works and as long as they were alive they served the purpose of encouraging others on the wrong path to consider changing their ways too.
I do not believe in an eye for an eye.
The executions may have rid the world of a couple of drug smugglers, but it also stole from the world the belief that people can be reformed and that it is better to reform than to continue to live a life of wrongdoing.
It robbed mothers who I have no doubt just like each of us once knelt down in front of their small children and spoke to them gently about forgiveness and mercy, the chance to prove those lessons right.
As a mother of three children, I pray to God with every bit of my being that my children never make such a heartbreaking mistake in a world that will show them no mercy.
I shall forever more stand for mercy.