Every now and then, I am bluntly reminded of my age. When I have to fill out my age online and I spend like forever scrolling down to get to my birth year. Can't they go easy a little easier on us and start with the earlier years rather than the most recent so we don't have to be reminded with every year we click past that age is creeping up on us.
What on earth am I rambling on about you ask? Well I just don't feel old enough to have a son turning eleven today. I am only half joking when I say someone must have stolen some years off me, because it is true what they say, the past eleven years seem to have disappeared in a blink of the eye....OK perhaps a few blinks!
To My Beautiful boy Kai,
You are growing up so quickly and you are at an age where things may start to become a little confusing at times. It's OK, it's supposed to be that way. Just go with it, as it is all part of your journey.
I know you know that I love you because I tell you multiple times every day, but I also know that right now you cannot possibly understand just HOW much I love you. One day you will. You have told me you want children when you grow up, 2 of them actually and I have no doubt in my mind that you will achieve that dream. One day in your future, you will hold a child in your arms, your child. You will stare in wonderment at that child's face and you will touch your nose to her cheek and breathe in the sweet baby scent. Your heart will bulge to the point you feel it could possibly even burst and it will be in that moment right then, that you will truly know just how much I love you.
Throughout your journey to reach that point I will have many opportunities you to show you my love and you will have many chances to test the strength of it. Together we will continue to create wonderful memories and those memories will provide warmth on days when life feels a little cold.
You will face many challenges in your life, some that may seem too huge to overcome, but have faith as you WILL overcome them.
You are smart and funny so be proud of who you are, but through experience you will learn that being humble is just as important as pride - if not more.
You show such great empathy for others, and I am so proud of that in you. Nurture that trait and protect it as you will at times need to draw on it to help you understand the ways of the world and the people in it.
You love with all your heart and you inspire others with your passion. One day someone will be careless with your heart and it will hurt me to watch your pain, but your heart will heal and it will forgive. Don't ever be afraid to show your love for others, it may not always be returned, but when it is the reward is oh so sweet.
Speak with honesty and with kindness. Remember always that words are very powerful, choose them carefully. When you can't find the right words to use, actions can be even more meaningful.
Make your dreams big, no .... make them huge - you will grow into them.
Work hard, but work smart. Do what you love and work to live but don't live to work.
Be true to yourself, listen to your heart and the voice in your head. It will let you know when you are going in the wrong direction. Sometimes you may have to listen hard to hear that voice through all the noise of life, be patient and follow it's lead as it wont often let you down.
If you have something to say, speak up and speak loud. Don't be silenced by fear or judgment as your voice is as important as anyone elses.
Be kind to your body as you only get the one. You will need to look after it and respect it. If you take good care of it, it will serve you well.
Life is precious, take the time to stop and look around. Enjoy the moments and take pictures with your mind. Don't be distracted by the destination as more often the joys are found in the journey itself.
Don't hold back the tears when they come. Embrace them as it is your soul's way of connecting with the physical world and they are not a sign of weakness, they are a gift as much as the smiles are.
Most importantly know that I am always here for you. I know there will be times that you wont like me and that you will think I am mean. I am OK with that, because I know that one day you will understand my reasons and I can wait until then.
My ears are always ready and my arms are always open. Whilst I wont always be able to hold your hand, feel comfort in knowing we are always rainbow connected.
Thank you Kai for the gift of being your Mum. It is truly one of the greatest joys of my existence.
Happy Birthday buddy, you have made me a proud mama.