An All Time Parenting Low | Life Love and Hiccups: An All Time Parenting Low
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Monday, 1 July 2013

An All Time Parenting Low

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It's very easy to hop on this blog and write about my sometimes hilarious parenting fails, my occasional triumphs and the unconditional love I have for my children. But today I come to you feeling like absolute pond scum and never ever before have I ever doubted my ability as a parent, more than I did this particular day.

I'm NOT joking when I tell you I am ashamed of myself.

I am NOT exaggerating when I tell you just HOW much sleep I have lost over this.

And I definitely cannot put a twist on this story that resembles anything even remotely funny.

If I was the boss of all the mothers in this world, I would so sack me. I would march me off the premises, make me hand over my mum badge, and take photos of myself to use for the posters of the Worst Mum in The Universe Awards.

So why am I telling you about this? Why am I putting it out there for the world to judge me on my crappy maternal skills?

Because when I sat there crying after this had happened, I felt so alone in my shame. I also came to the realisation that us mums aren't designed to be perfect. We will inevitably stuff up and at times get it so SO wrong. And yet this is all part of the journey and we need to remind ourselves that everyone at some time or another makes mistakes, and it is in the mistakes that we hone our skills and become better parents.

I suppose I should just shut up, stop procrastinating and tell you what happened shouldn't I?

So Friday morning I came downstairs to find a chocolate wrapper on the coffee table. Not just any chocolate wrapper but a chocolate bar from a box I have in my office that is waiting to be sent out to someone as a prize.

Immediately I yelled for all the kids to come into the room and one by one I looked them in the eye and asked them to tell me who took the chocolate bar from my office.

My oldest responded with "It wasn't me Mum, I wasn't even here remember?"

True, he had only just arrived home from a sleepover. He was excused.

I turned my attention to my 8 year old.

"Was it you?" I asked.

"No Mum, it most definitely wasn't me. I know I do some really naughty things sometimes, but this time it really wasn't me. I swear to God, stick a needle in my eye and all that, I did NOT take the chocolate".

Now I have caught this one telling enough fibs in his lifetime to know what I'm looking for and I just knew he was innocent this time.

He was excused.

Finally I turned to my youngest, the one with the sweet little face and the cheekiest grin.

There was no grin on his face this time.

"Did you take it I asked", almost redundantly as I knew by the power of elimination that it had to be him.

"No Mum. I did NOT take the chocolate". he said.

"Are you sure about that?" I pushed.

"Yes... I think so... Ummm I don't know" came his timid reply.

By now I was really cross. It wasn't about the chocolate being taken, although the sneakiness of that part pissed me off. It was the lying that had me so riled.

I tried everything to get him to confess and I am ashamed to say I even pulled out the "If you don't tell me now that you took the chocolate, you are basically telling me that you don't love me".

Oh God, YES. I really did go there.

At that awful statement, he cracked and tearfully declared "OKAY Then, I took the chocolate".

Aha!

I got what I wanted, an admission. And with that I furiously sent him to his room telling him how bitterly disappointed I was with him.

He cried the whole way to his room and I could still hear him crying even after he shut his door.

About an hour and a half later, my husband arrived home from work and I told him what had happened and how Flynn had been sent to his room for the afternoon.

He stared at me and I could visibly see his jaw drop. I was ready to defend my stance on the sneaky deed, but then it was my turn to do the jaw drop thing.

He quietly said to me "Sonia, I ate the chocolate. I didn't know it was a prize or anything. Sorry."

If I could have summoned a lightening bolt from the sky to come and knock me down for my heinous mistake, believe me, I would have done so.

Not only did I start shaking and crying, but I also had to resist the strong desire to throw up.

What had I done?

I quietly went up to Flynn's bedroom, and I opened the door to find him still lying on his bed sobbing.

He looked at me and asked "Can I come out yet Mum?"

I picked that little bundle of tear stained boy up and squished him in the biggest cuddle ever. "I am so so sorry Flynny" I cried over and over again "I am so sorry".

Thankfully, he cuddled me back as hard as I cuddled him.

 "That's OK Mummy" he whispered.

I turned his little face towards mine and asked "Why did you tell me you ate the chocolate when you didn't?"

"Because I DO love you and you said if I loved you I would tell you that I took the chocolate" came his reply.

That there folks was the lowest point in my parenting career to date. I was the Queen Douche Bag of ALL the douche bags in the world and as I continued to hug him and tell him how sorry I was, I couldn't help but think to myself - I don't deserve you.

Have you ever stuffed up big time with your kids?
Have you ever got it so wrong that you feel you should be stripped of your parenting license?
How did you deal with the guilt? How did you make it up to them?

Linking up with everyone else sharing their fails at The Lounge