Thursday, 27 September 2012

You Googled WHAT????

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I got seriously caught out yesterday by my 11 year old and his friend and they now know for certain that I am a total amateur when it comes to this parenting gig.

It all came about when they asked if they could borrow my iPad to look up something on Google.

Seemingly innocent yes? Little did I know all my integrity as a parent was about to go down the googler .... get it gurgler ... googler. *ahem*

I was on the couch with my nose in a book and they planted themselves at the kitchen bench. Next thing I know they are snorting and laughing like hyenas.

"What? What's so funny guys?" I innocently enquired.

"You google the randomess and weirdest things Mum" scoffed my son.

"What are you talking about - Like what?" I asked with genuine curiosity.

"Like stuff like When does a Boy's thingy Grow" he barely managed to get the words out with the laughing and the tears.

Crap CRAP CRAP! "Give me that!" I exclaimed as I snatched the iPad out of their shaking with laughter hands.

"Why did you Google that Mum?" he asked between hiccups.

Oh man how do I get myself into these situations and conversations with my kids.

"Because a mum isn't born just knowing all this stuff about boys you know" I said. "I don't have those body bits so I was curious OK".

"You could have asked my mum, she knows that kind of stuff" piped up the friend.

"Yeah? Well I bet she Googled it too!" I muttered as I tucked my iPad under my arm and made a hasty exit from the room.

When I got upstairs to the privacy of my bedroom, I sat down with my traitorous technology, and stared at the item that just single handidly gave my game away to the joy of my son and his friend. I clicked onto Google and cautiously eyeballed my recent searches.

What I saw no longer looked like the innocent enquiries of a curious mum, but more like the evidence of someone who seriously does not know what they are doing!

You want examples? OK in the spirit of totally exposing myself as a clueless fraud, I'll share some with you.

When Do Boys Thingies Grow: I told you I was curious as to when my little boys become um not so little boys. Don't judge me! I know about girls and puberty but boys mmm not so much and I had just watched a program on Fox about a man who's thingy never grew and I was concerned. OK let's move on shall we.

Weird Freckles on Kids Heads: My 5 year old had a strange mark on his head and I was concerned .... Come on! I am a mum, it is my job to worry about these things!

Can You Damage Your Insides Holding in Farts: I am not even going to go there as I can't even begin to explain in any way that is NOT going to make me look like a complete tool.

What were Nat and Mel Fighting about on X Factor Australia: Serious current affairs people.

Can You Drown Your Own Kidneys in Wee: Alright look, when you are lying in bed at night with a full bladder and you are too tired to get up to visit the bathroom before you go to sleep, one has to be sure of the safety of your decisions.

Legal Ways to Stop Your Husband Snoring: Again - Late night questions. The legal part? I'm not so sure what I was thinking there and if I admit it had anything to do with shoving a pillow over his head I may be arrested, so best leave that one alone.

How Long Does it Take for a Cervix to Grow Back: I forgot to ask the Gyno as I was slightly distracted by the camera poking around in my whoo ha.

Shade Plants that are Hard to Kill: Clearly I had my gardens best interests at heart.

So there you go, join my kids and laugh at me if you feel the need. I may have just blown my cover as a parent who knows everything and my son may have just had that life changing moment when you realise your parents are human after all. But I KNOW the answers now, cause Google told me and Google knows EVERYTHING!

What's the weirdest thing you Googled lately?
Anyone know how to delete your Google History?