|Me at Age 20 - before someone stole the next 20 years from me!|
Do you ever have that moment when you are just going about your day doing your thing like the funky young mum that you are, when all of a sudden reality rears up and slaps you 3 or 4 times across your face and says "Wake up you Noob - you're not funky, you're sooooo old now!"
You see in my head I am still in my twenties, the thirties didn't really happen and forty - well forty is for old people.
It happened too quick, this getting older thing I mean.
One minute I was standing outside Club 28 at my local pub, cursing the bar owners for the injustice of them creating a nightclub for old people, people that were *shudder* over 28. Then BAM next thing I know I am scrolling like really far down on websites trying to find my year of birth that is buried somewhere below the shiny newness of the 2000s, and the enviable hipness of the 80s and 90s.
I DON'T FEEL MY AGE!
And there lies the answer.
Once upon a time I used to say "When I Grow up I'm gonna do this and I'm going to stop doing that".
I may not be able to avoid the fact that very soon I will have a number 4 in the wrong place of my age.
I may not be able to avoid the necessary appointments to see Drs for mammograms and grease and oil changes for my other rusty parts.
I may not be able to avoid the daily pill popping marathon of vitamins, digestion aids, joint lubricants and bone supplements that body needs these days to function..
But damn it - I am NOT going to start acting my age!
I WILL wear Chartreuse like it is my Freaking Badge of Honour and I will make NO apology for any unattractive tinge it reflects on my skin or your skin as you stand next to me!!
I WILL dance in Skater HQ if a funky song comes on even if my boys insist on pretending I am someone elses mum and start calling me Mrs Someone elses Mum.
I WILL continue to flip my finger every time I drive past the cranky old neighbourhood grinch's house and I won't give a damn for a single moment that I am being totally immature.
I WILL continue to put Britney Spears Believe perfume on my Christmas list because I LIKE the way it smells and I don't care that it is designed for a generation for whom bra stuffing is a normal part of getting dressed in the morning.
I WILL poke my tongue out when I pull up next to a bus stop full of pouty glossy lipped preteen girls who are giving drivers their best hair tossing smirk.
I WILL press all the buttons and play with the dials as I drive in my car like I am preparing to fly a 747 and I WILL keep doing the ready for departure spiel to my imaginary cabin full of passengers as we prepare to take off.
I WILL insist on the RTA counter staff retaking my photo for my license renewal because Its not my fault you clicked the button before I had a chance to adjust my hair.
I WILL continue to spend a fortune downloading songs sung by gorgeous young things whose thighs look more like my upper arms and I WILL still strut through the house to those songs like I am the freaking star of the catwalk at Fashion week.
I WILL skull soda straight from the bottle in the fridge and I WILL insist on the old "do as I say not as I do" spiel as my kids jaws drop to the floor.
And I WILL lie on my teenage niece's bed and make prank phone calls to the cute boy in her school just so she can hear his voice ..... OK no I wont cause that would be a little creepy, but I WILL give her my phone with its blocked number so she can make the call herself.
You see its all in the mind, or at least that's what I am telling myself.
If I don't want to act like a woman staring down the barrel of 40, then I don't have to!
I don't know what happened to the past 20 years, I'm pretty sure someone stole them but I am not going to get my hot pink polka dot Bonds boy cut hipsters into a twist. I am going to LIVE like I'm 20, act like I'm 30 and grab forty by the balls before it whizzes past my eyes like its 20 predecessors.
40 - Pfft! Bring It!
Me and my skull print jeggings are ready for you.
Do you feel like you accidentally dropped a few years somewhere?