The One That Was Originally Titled 'F*CK YOU F*CKITY F*CK F*CKER!" | Life Love and Hiccups: The One That Was Originally Titled 'F*CK YOU F*CKITY F*CK F*CKER!"
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Tuesday, 23 June 2015

The One That Was Originally Titled 'F*CK YOU F*CKITY F*CK F*CKER!"

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Did I ever mention I am of Irish descent.... aye!

It probably goes a long way to explain the degree of superstition that courses through my brain and the reason my nose goes so red when I break my two drink rule and charter into 'ohyeahwhythefecknot' territory and down a third drink.. and the fourth.

To be sure to be sure.

My heritage is also how I explain away my weird habit of dealing with people who seriously wrong me - I write their name on a piece of paper and stick it in the freezer and leave karma to do it's work.

For real!

Actually, I have no idea if that little ritual has anything to do with my Irish background or not. I learnt it from my late Aunt who believed in all things spooky, was a dedicated fan of Phantom of The Opera and was adamant that this was an old Irish curse designed to right those who wrong you... or at the very least have karma bite them on the ass.

My freezer has only ever seen a few names in it over the years.

The superstitious me treads carefully and reserves this only for those who have really screwed us over - including people like the biatch who stole my families antique birdbath (that story has been somewhat exaggerated over the years to suit), an old boss of my husband's whose bad deeds are so gross I don't even want to think about them, and the woman who knocked my strawberries over and stole my self serve cash register at the grocery store and didn't even say sorry.

OK so I may have been having a bad day when I added strawberry lady to the freezer, and the fact that the paper with 'checkout thief / strawberry masochist' written on it got thrown out after it froze to a bag of prawn shells after Christmas.. well it was probably a good thing.

Yesterday I added another name to the freezer... only much like the strawberry checkout thief, I didn't actually know the correct name to write so instead I wrote;

 'the person who skimmed our key card and robbed our bank account of every last cent'.

Yep we were fleeced over the weekend.

Our bank account was cleaned out of everything but $6.05 and they probably would have taken that too if one of the many atms they used to rob us from had dispensed $5 notes and coins.

It makes me sick to the stomach to think that we live along side such assholes in this world. People who think that it is OK to rob, rape and assault (and steal family heirlooms like birdbaths).

Not that I am comparing having all your money or a bird bath stolen to being physically harmed but still... you know what I mean?

I was going to write about this last night, but it has taken me that extra 16 hours to calm down enough to actually write something semi intelligible rather than a whole lot of FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK that was titled  FUCK YOU -  FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCKER!

I honestly don't think I have ever sworn as much as I have in the past 24 hours since this happened and never ever have I wanted so much to hunt someone down, tie them up and pluck every single hair from their body slowly and precisely with a pair of crooked tweezers.

Alas, their name is in the freezer now and I shall leave their fate in the hands of the law and the leprechauns and I have no doubt at all that Karma will smack them hard... and if luck is on my side, they will spend a lifetime suffering from Syphilis or something equally uncomfortable and hard to cure.

Have you ever been robbed or had your bank account cleaned out?
Did they get caught?
Got any rituals to deal with Assholes that I should know about?