Morning Has Broken And So Has Mummy! | Life Love and Hiccups: Morning Has Broken And So Has Mummy!

Thursday, 31 July 2014

Morning Has Broken And So Has Mummy!

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So some of us are never going to be morning people and it's about time breakfast cereal companies woke up to that fact and created an ad that caters to those of us who fall into that category.

Enough already of the happy kids eating their breakfast whilst cheerily chatting about their day ahead. Enough of the bright eyed pony tailed mums pouring juice for their fully clothed offspring and actually sitting down and eating breakfast with their smiling husband.

Here's the thing about the family in those ads - I think the kids have had a lobotomy, the husband is drunk and the Mum is high on cough syrup... put that in your pipe and choke on it.

OK a little too harsh, I'll pay that. But I still want to pinch the kids, punch the husband and cut off that bloody perfect pony tail with a pair of dirty kitchen shears.

Why not come to my house for a morning and film the real deal? So it probably won't entice anyone to actually buy your breakfast cereal but Mum's around the world will totally high five you and promise to not vomit next time they see your ad.

My children are clearly not morning people. I mean der, they were baked in the belly of an anti morning mum. As if they had a chance!!!

Why just this morning my youngest child stormed downstairs and without even a hint of a "Good Morning Mum", he threw a shoe at one brother, kicked the other in the nuts and fell into a heap on the floor in front of the heater.

Where's that scene in your perfect morning cereal ads?

We spent far too long looking for sports shoes, the new sports shoes we bought to replace the sports shoes we couldn't find last week. I was going ape shit over incomplete homework, dirty milked filled dishes being put in the dishwasher to drip all over the clean dishes that no one but me ever bothers to empty, and all the while screaming at someone to feed the flipping dogs already so they stop trying to dig a hole into the cupboard to get to the bin because they are STARVING!.

The bird was squawking, the husband did the Harry Holt for work, we couldn't for the life of us find a library book and a sports note I signed the night before...

and TWO children were now nursing bruised nuts!

We make it out the door to do car pool, only 10 minutes late but all feet had shoes on them. We are nearly run off the road by an asshole in a hotted up 4WD with wheels that belong on tractors. Hair is unbrushed, nails are grubby and toast with jam is dropped face down on the car seat.

To top it all off the only child with pain free nuts had forgotten his assignment and tells me we need to go home to get it.

So please understand when I tell you that your sunshiningoutoftheirbutt actors in their perfectly organised clean kitchens are really not making me feel better about myself and I also doubt very much that a bowl full of your cereal will turn me into a morning lover or make my non morning children smile. In fact I know it wont as I very nearly shoved a bowlful of your cereal up one cranky little turd's bum this morning and there were no smiles... from anyone!

Morning has broken people... and so has Mummy!

So anyway... how's your day going? 
Would you like Valium in your coffee?
How's mornings at your place?