Oh Santa, have I told you lately how much I flipping love you?
I love you more than all the coal in the whole entire world, because YOU my friend single handedly manage to keep my tired cranky end of school term children from morphing irreversibly into proper little turds.
One mention of your name and the halos appear.
One "Did you hear that? It could be Santa spying on you" muttered from my lips and those rugrats fall into line quick smart.
One finger pointed at a light on the roof of the shopping centre (aka a CIA - Christmas Intelligence Agency Santa Cam) and my squids are putty.
One mention of a stocking full of a coal, a sack full of spuds or a bucket full of reindeer poo and those munchkins of mine turn impossible sweet and even make me consider getting up the duff all over again.
Yeah OK that last bit was a bit of an overstatement, but you get the idea.
My boys were hot and tired over the weekend and did not want to co-operate with me and the hubby at all. Nope not one iota.
And so it twas time... it twas time to pull out the big guns and no I am not referring to the one litre bottle of vodka I have stashed in the garage.
The big gun I am referring to is the Jolly Fella in the Red Suit, The Big Kahuna of Elves, Sleighman, Twinkle Toes, Master of The Pole... I know I know - enough of the names already.
It was time for those kids of mine to walk the walk and put their money where their mouths are by writing their letters to Papa Noel and then wait to see just how good he thinks they have been this year.
Ahh it's the time of the year when bribery and corruption comes into play and I am ALL for it.
Have your kids written their letters yet?
If not, here's a free printable Santa Letter template you can download and print off. Leave it lying around and watch those kids pull their socks up to their necks and behave like saints.
I take all forms of gratitude.
One Litre bottles of vodka are most appreciated. ;)
Does Santa still reign over the little people in your household?
What does he bring to the naughty kids in your neck of the hood?